engageiversarry

Yesterday was bittersweet. As I was celebrating (we didn’t actually do anything except for go to sushi happy hour) our one year engagiversary I was also mourning the one year “death” of my bff. The night we got engaged was basically the night we stopped being close- or even friends for that matter. Aside from the fact that she is BATSHIT CRAZY and the most delusional and selfish person ever, I miss her. I joked a few posts back about her showing up in a white gown, but it is actually not really all that funny. She has always been crazy. That’s what I liked about her. I’m crazy. We helped each other. But the day I got engaged, she was no longer a supportive friend. She no longer wanted to be happy for me. She no longer wanted to hang out with me- unless it was just the two of us, and even then, all talk of my man or our wedding was off limits. The night we got engaged she said to me- “don’t be one of those brides that talks about your wedding non stop”) and then she never asked a single question regarding the wedding, our engagement, or me. Nuthin. She didn’t come to our engagement party, she didn’t even RSVP. I have not heard from her since October. I can honestly say that it has been pretty bittersweet planning all of this without her in my life. Everyone says how awful she was, and how selfish and one sided our friendship was, and yadda yadda yadda. But she was still my girlfriend from third grade… a sister really. It will be very interesting to see how things will turn out… but there has definitely been a (silent) void in my life.

I think my example is extreme, but I know this is something that a lot of brides (and wives?) go through. I have supportive friends who still can’t help but make little negative comments. Like: youre having TWO showers? Mocking my invitations (WHO does that?????), or making "fun" of the fact that I had eleven hostesses for my first shower. I get it, I am spoiled. I had showers thrown for me at country clubs. Whatever. It’s easier to let those go- because I know it has nothing to do with ME or my man, but with their own insecurities (they all happen to be in relationships that have gone on a tad too long without a ring... they arent upset that there is glitter on MY shower invitation, they are upset that they dont have a shower invitation at all) I get it ladies. And I dont really care. But this one, my bestie, has been tough. Even if she isn’t there for me right now- I hope she is there the day of- wearing a white wedding gown or not.